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2003-12-11 - 11:07 a.m.

this late morning

i dreamed i ran over the white rabbit of alice in wonderland. i dreamed i turned his pretty costumed self into ground meat. to leave us into a timeless world. a world of no anguish. of no end. then i had a nightmare. you were found dead in your dark room. your head tilted towards the back. your mouth opened with very little mice of all colors running in and out of it. they were busy tearing off the newspaper you've used to cover your walls ceiling and floor. to bring it all inside of you as if it was where it belonged. as if the story was to end with a paper and ink stuffed guy in a white room. (iwascrying) smells are intensified in the heat. i want a too hot summer of you. and those shots of adrenaline that keep on feeding the addiction. i want more. and maybe i'm just ok with confusing pains. yes maybe i'm just fine with being their so called love rug.

how are you, baby?

i miss you, you know.

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